This Month I Won't Be Watching…

So it's been a long time since I did one of these, and there's been a lot of awful films you couldn't drag me to since then, but thankfully most of them have been so bland that they haven't stuck in my memory. So when I started writing on this blog again, I just know that I had to do one of these.

As always, remember, I haven't seen these films, I won't be seeing these films. All my opinions on these are based entirely on my prejudices and on the trailers. I may well be completely wrong about these films. But you and I both know that I'm not.

Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past

Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past is a Matthew McConaughey movie – a type of movie so stock, clichéd and unoriginal in nature that it’s bound to be next in line to have its own <insert-vague-genre-here> Movie spoof made soon. Why oh why do these films keep getting made? How does Matthew McConaughey keep getting work? Is his I’m-gonna-sleep-with-all-the-girls smile really that big of a box office draw? Because if it is, then please, please, please, someone, hit him in the mouth with a baseball bat.

However, I do need to be fair to Ghost Of Girlfriends Past, and point out that it does deviate from the standard Matthew McConaughey movie format by not co-starring Kate Hudson. Maybe she had to go shopping that day.

The Hannah Montana Movie

I’ve thought this over, long and hard, and I’m quite certain that I would rather contract AIDS from my rapist cellmate named Bubba than watch this 100-odd minutes of diatribe. I remain convinced that Miley Cyrus is an instrument of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth, and I don’t really care which persona she chooses to perform this task. I guess the best thing about discovering that Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus are the same person was realising that there was one less useless person in the world. Thank God for small mercies.

Cheri

This just looks shit.